


Snowdrift

by dysphoria (amoralisch)



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Childhood Memories, Chocobos, F/M, M/M, Magic, Memory Loss, Sorceresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-15 07:57:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3439514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amoralisch/pseuds/dysphoria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being rejected as a knight by his sorceress, Squall realizes that knighthood had been more than an empty title. Meanwhile a mercenary keeps causing trouble for the Garden. Squall tries hard to regain control over his life but an old rival doesn't make it easy for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

> Story needs a Beta

**8:15pm  
Balamb Garden, headmaster's office**

The shiny black fountain pen left blue, elegant curved lines on top of the black, straight line at the bottom of the page, as it had done twenty seven times before this afternoon. They were hastily written but SEED commander Squall Leonhart couldn't care any less at this point. Caring for paperwork was beyond him by now, even though he knew that he should take the utmost care when scribbling the name Squall Leonhart , the name of the Balamb Garden commander, his name, on any piece of paper. With that last wrist movement, he had just sent six hundred men and women into battle. Not too long ago, his own fate had been decided in that exact same way. A list of names had been pulled up on a screen, the names had been re-arranged until they fit the needs of the upcoming mission. Costs had been calculated, including transportation, provisions, and other factors relevant. Numbers had been crunched again and again until the sum at the bottom got as low as possible, while the number a few lines up stayed as high as ethically justifiable. Estimated mission success rate: 79%

Lives became numbers, became costs, became factors... Warfare was business and it was as lucrative as ever.

 

“Commander,” Xu’s voice sounded thin through the intercom on his desk. He reached over and pressed the button to answer her.

“What is it?” Any distraction at this point was welcome. Dark brows hidden behind chocolate locks were locked into a steady frown by now. _Not so bad today_ , he thought to himself, _not so bad._

“Probe 72 registered unauthorized access at sector alpha.” A draw point observation probe? Squall tried to remember the points. They were numbered dots spread across the whole world map and he had gone through the trouble of memorizing them all. Initially, it had been Selphie’s idea to keep track of all important known draw points. Because there were too many of them to watch them all, Balamb Garden used probes to monitor them. Number 72…

“That’s close to Hawkfield Plains, isn’t it?” It was close to Trabia Garden and the only draw point Garden kept watch of was one of Flare magic. It was a spell even Squall kept close tabs on because of its junctioning attributes. It could boost a carrier’s strength attribute as well as his elemental defenses and Squall had used it on a regular basis as he had to get used to Bahamut and Eden for the first time. Apart from that, the spell was incredibly powerful on its own. It was nothing someone untrained should get their hands on. Many tried though, for Flare realized astronomic prices on the black market.

“Yes it is. I’m afraid the point had been used.” That could be bad. Though there were no laws against using magic and draw points, Gardens would most certainly like to keep the important points to themselves. Regular travelers couldn’t use them. Most people didn’t even recognize them at all or couldn’t detect them. There were only two possibilities to obtain magic; through junctioning or sorceress magic. Some unlucky individuals stumbled across the last hiding points of GFs every so often. Some of them went missing; most likely after losing their lives during the encounter. But some had the strength to subdue the GF and become its new master. That was not an easy task though. Most people couldn’t understand the concept of the junction system. It was a secret technique only SEEDs would learn during their training. But like in all things, there were exceptions. SEEDs went missing or dropped out but kept their knowledge. And even though every one of them had signed a contract that should prevent them from revealing such vital information, some of them did anyway. And those were the individuals Garden had to worry about the most.

“Do we have visuals?” She must have been expecting his question because it only took a few seconds for the file to appear on his screen.

“I sent them to you. He seemed to know what he was doing.” Squall didn’t like to hear that. He opened the video file. The probes were placed away far enough, so that they wouldn’t attract any unwanted attention to the actual draw point, should they be discovered. It was a necessity that came with its downsides like he could witness right now. The weather had been disadvantageous and the lighting conditions were bad. Snow disturbed the imagery. Squall could see a man approaching the draw point. He seemed to know what to look for and paused only mere seconds to concentrate on the powerful magic. The familiar glowing tendons appeared, as the magic gathered and was absorbed inside the man’s body. After that, he turned around and went back the same way he had come. Squall made a displeased sound and skipped backwards. He studied the image of the man. About six feet tall, he assumed. He wore a white, thick jacket with a hood hiding most of his face, dark gloves, combat pants and heavy boots. Most likely an ex-SEED. Considering the location he could be quite possible one of the SEEDs who left after the destruction of Trabia Garden. Nothing he could do about it.

“Leave him,” Squall decided. “The point is useless for a few months anyway.” It was irritating. He had planned on keeping tabs on all the important points to draw their magic as soon as they became active again. But it couldn’t be done. He hadn’t had the time and he couldn’t use SEEDs to run around and gather magic for him. It was too dangerous. There was no exact telling when a spell would reappear. That made it all the more unfortunate to have missed this opportunity. They could try and watch the black market for a while, yet it was a tedious task and most likely, they wouldn’t get the identity of the ex-SEED they were looking for. Squall gave the video file a last look and went back to his paperwork.

 

 

 

 

Three weeks earlier ****  
22:12pm  
Balamb Hotel Bar

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Selph,” Rinoa said in that whiny voice that could penetrate the thick murmuring background sound of a room full of people. It made some of them turn their heads each time, something the young woman always misinterpreted as attraction and caused her friends to smile apologetically. “He acts so distantly lately.” The raven haired women slumped in her chair; arms crossed on the white table cloth and let her head hang low for a moment.

"Rin, you know he is busy right now. That mission last month was a disaster and we are still cleaning up the mess." Selphie Tilmitt placed her chin on her delicate hand and took a sip from her drink. The cocktail glass in front of her was half empty. It was her day off and she had come here to have a good time, not to listen to her friend's endless complaints about her so-called lover. So-called because, as far as Selphie knew, and she knew quite a few details from her raven haired friend next to her, beside some early post sorceress war occasions, there hadn't been much intimacy between Squall Leonhart and Rinoa Heartilly. Yet both shared a very unique bond which would keep them together. Selphie had heard of sorceress' and their knights before she actually met one in person but even now, after all what had happened during the war, she couldn't quite grasp what it actually meant to be connected like that. Personally, Selphie Tilmitt believed that her inexperienced fellow SEED had mistaken his feelings as a knight for love and now suffered the consequences.

"But he should have time for me, right? I mean, I am his girlfriend after all. Honestly, I thought we would be engaged by now." Rinoa pouted and played with her hair. Selphie raised her brows. _What gave you that idea_ , she wanted to ask but kept it to herself. Instead she took another sip from her drink. "We need more drinks!" Rinoa decided and Selphie couldn't agree more. This would be a long night.

 

 

**03:05am  
Balamb Garden, headmaster's bedroom**

Rinoa left her shoes by the door and was glad when she got rid of the heels. Her feet hurt. It had been a mistake to wear the new shoes tonight. It had been completely pointless. She giggled as she had to hold onto the wall to keep her balance. Maybe she had had a little too much to drink. But she felt giddy with excitement. The bedroom was dark when she entered. Squall was already asleep. She and Squall had shared these rooms since after the war and although she didn't tell anyone, that was about the only thing they had shared lately. Most of the time they didn't even say good night to each other anymore. She blamed Squall for that, since he worked late most of the time and never told her when he would go to bed. Today, it was the other way around and it made her smile. Squall looked so cute when he slept, she thought.

Squall kept his eyes shut, even thought he had been awake since the moment his door had been opened. Old habits. He would like to believe that it was part of him being a soldier that woke him up so easily but truth been told, he had always been a light sleeper and growing up with a bunch of other kids at the orphanage hadn't changed that. There had been more than one occasion when someone had sneaked up to his bed to involve him into some kind of prank late at night. Sometimes he had been the victim instead of the accomplice. Now, it was just a part of him. But everything was alright tonight and he already tried to fall asleep again. He had an early meeting tomorrow. Rinoa though seemed to have other plans in mind. She came onto the bed, straddled him above the covers and bend over; her hair tickling him at his shoulder.

"Squall?" She watched his face as his eyes twitched. "Squall, wake up." She kept her voice low and seductive. Her cocktail dress rode up on her thighs as she straddled him and waited for him to look at her. She could already imagine it. He would look at her and she would smile down at him, bending forward so he could have a look at her décolleté and then she would lean in to kiss him. He could be way too shy, she knew. Squall had been so inexperienced in the beginning, she had been sure that she had been his first. But that didn't matter. She could help him out. He was a fast learner after all.

Squall opened his eyes and looked up at her. He could already tell that Rinoa was drunk. Most likely, she had been out with Selphie again. She smelled like sweet perfume and drinks, a hint of cigarette smoke. Hotel bar, he decided. Not hard to guess, Balamb was a small town after all. It was obvious what she had in mind right now. Her breasts were right in front of his face and she had a kind of lost look on her face. It didn't go along too well with her smile. Alcohol did that to her, he knew. It made her look silly, a bit cheap even. She shouldn't drink, he sighed within his mind, though kept silent for now.

Shy Squall didn't reach up to touch her, she realized. Oh well, he would soon enough. That left her time to tell him the important news. She touched his cheek with one hand and caressed it lightly, lovingly. Ah, she loved that light stubble on his cheeks. She could already imagine what it would feel like on her skin when they would make love to each other. Too bad he shaved every morning. The perfect soldier.

"Squall?" Rinoa said again.

"What?" She leaned in closer and he chose that moment to lean back and sit up a bit more. She lost her balance then and her cheek brushed against his bare chest. He touched her shoulder and helped her to regain her balance. She giggled. He just looked at her.

"Squall, marry me?" It was just perfect, she thought. He was looking at her intently, his hand strong on her shoulder. She had thought about this. Maybe it would be wiser to wait for him to come up with the courage to ask her but she couldn't wait any longer. Oh well, they could always say that it had been him proposing to her. No one had to know after all and he could keep his spotless image. She knew his shy side but that was a part she would keep for herself.  

"What?" Drunk, he told himself again, maybe even more so than he had thought. Marriage, whatever had given her that idea? Did someone they knew marry lately? Was someone going to? He lost track of those details easily. She should take a shower and sleep it off. It was late. He had to get up early in the morning. Better to put her to bed so she could sober up now. Maybe he would have to talk to Selphie soon.

"Marry me," she repeated. Was he still half asleep? He didn't sound like it. Well, she wouldn’t back off now. He would have to catch up and soon, before their moment was ruined. She smiled at him.

"No." He took her by both shoulders and made her sit back on his legs. Then he let go of her. She looked at him blankly, clearly at a loss right now. It took her only a moment though. Good, he thought, he did not want to play games right now.  

"Why not?" Had he just said _no_? No, what? No, not now. No, I'm not ready yet... She should have waited for him to ask, dammit.

"I'm not gonna marry you, Rinoa." There was a soft sigh in his voice as he tried to keep his annoyance out of it. Sometimes he felt like he was talking to a child. She was usually brighter than this. Sometimes she got this crazy ideas and he tried to be patient with her when it happened but her being drunk was no excuse and it was hard for him to look at her as the bright young woman he had met during the war. He needed her sober.

"What? But we are..." What was going on here? She kept staring at him, dumb folded. What was he saying? This was wrong. This may be beyond fixing.

"Friends." There, he said it. - Okay, friends seemed a bit odd. Friends didn't share the same bed every night. Friends didn't - oh, did that hurt her feelings because they had slept with each other before? It had only been twice. He hadn't touched her again afterwards. "...with benefits," he added lamely as she seemed to get very angry all of the sudden.

"You call us _friends_? What the hell, Squall?" How dare he? What the hell was wrong with him? This was… Fuck, she had known that he had been acting strangely lately but this was outrageous. She hadn’t shared his bed for months to be called a friend _with benefits_. Why would he say that? Why would he insult her like this? Did he really think her that cheap? How dare he?

"Calm down, Rin. You are drunk." He sighed a bit louder this time and brushed his hair back with his fingers. This was clearly not the best of situations right now and he didn't have time for this tonight. Maybe he should think about new sleeping arrangements tomorrow. Why did she share his bed anyway? He never asked her to leave after they had slept with each other. Maybe he should have. She had kept coming back to him and it hadn't bothered him. He was her knight after all. He felt close to her. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to stay by her side. He just didn't love her. For someone else, he guessed, it must seem complicated. So... what? She felt more for him than he thought she did? That could be a problem.

"I am drunk? Don't think I don't know what I am doing!" She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "So you used me?"

"Used you?" Where the hell did that come from? She made it sound like he had taken her virginity or something and then threw her aside for someone else. Did she read those silly novels again? "Rin, I care for you. I like you. I will stay with you. I just won't marry you. I don't love you." There, as plain as he could spell it out for her. Loyalty, that was what he felt for her; he would never leave her side when she would need his protection.

"But you are my knight!" She couldn't believe it. They were destined to be together. She loved him, how could he not love her? They were perfect for each other; how could he not see that?

"Yes. And I will be your knight. I will protect you. I will keep you safe." He wouldn't let anyone touch her. She was one of the last sorceresses and he knew that some individuals wanted to capture her. He wouldn't let that happen; even if he had to use all his SEEDs to keep her safe. He would be the last line between her and any harm that would come her way.

"So you will be my knight and stay with me but you love someone else? You will marry someone else, have kids with her? You think being my knight is your job or something?" She could see it already. Being invited to Squall's wedding, smiling, happy faces all around her, kids running around, scattering rose petals everywhere. And Squall, Squall! Squall smiling at his bride, giving her that same smile that he had given her on that day after the war outside on the balcony. She had loved him then. Loved him dearly and she still loved him. But he had rejected her, used  her.

"What are you talking about? I won't..." He couldn't finish, her voice was shrill when she screamed at him.

"See if I care! I don't need you as my knight! Not like _this_! This isn't what I wanted! We are done! You hear me? You and I are _done_!" She felt heartbroken. Tears streamed down her face, ruining her makeup. How could this be happening to her? Everything had been so perfect. She wouldn't forgive him for this.

Squall felt as if someone was twisting a knife between his ribs. The pain overcame him so suddenly that he couldn't guard himself against it. He knew immediately that it were her sorceress powers attacking him. The pain felt real, was real, it felt like he had been cut open just to pour more blinding agony inside him. He gasped, bending forward and closed his eyes, his forehead leaning against Rinoa's shoulder and he clawed at his chest. He couldn't stop it. She didn't stop it. All she did was panic, clueless to what she had done to him. Sweat ran down his face, his neck, his back, breathing seemed impossible. He could feel her touching him, calling his name, holding him and crying. _Just make it stop_ , he wanted to scream. It lasted one, maybe two endless seeming minutes before he blacked out and sank into oblivion.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small towns are worse, Seifer argued with himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> story is still in need of a patient beta

 

04:20pm  
**Albus Town**

_Small towns are worse,_ Seifer argued with himself as he pulled the hood up to hide his hair and as much of his face as possible. He had had this argument with himself before, he had to admit, but strangely, sometimes he came to a different conclusion. For a man like him, no matter where he went, people meant risks but being somewhat of an extrovert, Seifer needed them. _Well_ , he thought, _everyone needs somebody. No man is an island. And yet..._ He lowered his head a bit as he passed two men on the street. They turned around to look at him but he went on. If every person is a risk, would not big cities be worse? His argument went, that small towns had stronger social bonds between individuals. Everyone knew everyone. He was an outsider, they noticed him. That was bad for him, they knew his face. _One of the perks of being a war criminal_ , he thought grimly. Everyone knew his face. But being somewhat of a narcissist, Seifer liked his own face and did not want to change it. Even the scar right between his eyebrows did not displease him. At first he had been furious about it but it had not taken long for him to trade the frown for a smirk when he had looked into the mirror. It suited him, gave him character. And it reminded him of the day when a young man had taken revenge on him by cutting his face open with a gunblade. Mirroring scars, he snorted. How romantic.

Big cities gave a man more anonymity. People didn't care as much for others. You could only create so many bonds after all. But someone would look at him eventually, recognize him and cause him trouble. He had tried to hide in cities before. Didn't work out so well. The blonde sighed. Now this town on the other hand... He looked up as he stopped in front of a clinic. He could see people inside. Patients, most likely, elderly and sick, with the occasional hard lined face of one of the town’s miners sitting between them. No need to scare anyone. The backdoor then. Albus was a small town with about three hundred living souls, give or take, located in the Bika Snowfields. Not many ever came here but some left in every generation. Albus was a dull town. One might have thought it had been named for the scenery. Snow covered the land for more than ten months every year but the founders had picked the name for the gemstones they mined here. Albite was a white mineral and the only trading good this place had to offer. Anyone who was not involved in the mining industry would most likely try their luck elsewhere. _Few more generations and this place will be a ghost town_ ; Seifer mused and pushed the backdoor to the town’s clinic open. He found himself in a storage room, alone. Shrugging, he closed the door behind himself and lifted a heavy bag off his shoulder.

He did not need to wait long until a young man in a white lab coat entered the room. The held a clipboard in one hand and looked up startled when he realized that he was not alone.

"Hyne, can you not knock or something," he sighed. Seifer smirked. He had taken off his coat and was busy placing his goods on a metal table.

"Where is the fun in that? - I suppose I could use the front door but I thought you would not want me to give your patients out there a heart attack." He shrugged.

"Oh please. You think people don't know you by now? Don't flatter yourself, Almasy." A shadow crept over the handsome face of the ex-sorceress knight then. His hands stopped moving for a moment and his back and shoulders tensed. _Small towns are worse..._ A warm hand came down on his left shoulder and he turned around. "They just don't care. As long as you stay out of trouble..." He looked into the grinning face in front of him and he relaxed. They grabbed each other's hand and embraced in a short, friendly hug. "It's good to see you."

"Long time no see, Nathan." Seifer eyed the young man from head to toe.

"And whose fault is that, eh?" The ex-knight cocked his head to one side, feigning innocence.

Nathan was the town's only physician and as such one of the most important men. He was surprisingly young, not even thirty yet but he had a way with people that made it hard to dislike or distrust him. He was tall, pale and had raven hair that stubbornly curled around his face in thick locks. There were some stories, Seifer knew, stories about Nathan's past. Three years ago, the young man had come to this city, not telling anyone where he had come from. That might have given him a disadvantage with the townsfolk but a coincidence had helped him out then. He had intended to apply as assistant at the town's clinic but only a few weeks earlier, the former physician had passed away. A bit overwhelmed at first, Nathan soon had come to know and like Albus and its people.

"You might want to warn the hunters," Seifer said and turned around again. "I saw some Snow Lions and they are getting closer to town. They seemed somewhat agitated."

"A human with a gunblade and a sudden appearance of a GF can do that to them," Nathan mused.

"I don't hunt close to town. You know that." There was a growl in Seifer's voice. Nathan crossed his arms in front of his chest and stood beside the ex-knight, looking at the goods.

"Maybe you should? I'd rather have people watching you kill those beasts than having a snow lion rampaging through town. Like I said, they know who you are already." The physician picked up a bundle of herbs. Echo screen.

"Doesn't mean I want them to know," Seifer growled, voice angrier than intended. He cursed under his breath and raked his fingers through his blond hair. Nathan looked at him for a moment and then shrugged.

"Hi-Potions?" He picked one up, shook it.

"Yea," Seifer sighed. "I figured you could use them. I rarely need them anymore."

"Thanks." The older man went through the things Seifer had brought. Herbs, potions, powder made from dragon scales, red liquids. "Damn, you have been busy. I'm afraid I can't pay for all of that." Seifer knew that Nathan would not ever be rich. He waved dismissively at him.

"I don't need your money. Take it."

"Seifer," the other began.

"Take it," the blonde insisted. "I know you need it." Nathan's shoulders fell. He couldn't argue with that. He needed all the help he could get out here. This town was too secluded to receive regular visitors. Half of the year they were practically on their own when the snow kept them separated from the outside world.

"I'll pay you back," Nathan sighed, giving in, head lowered. He had his pride, Seifer knew but he also knew that Nathan couldn't afford pride in his field of work.

"You already did," he said for maybe the twentieth time since he knew the man.

"Yea, right. Boy, I think you overestimate the value of my medical council, as flattering as it is." He chuckled.

"You saved my life." The ex-knight kept telling him that, though Nathan wasn't quite sure if he remembered what had happened that day the same way the physician did. He sighed again.

"Thank you, Seifer. I'll make good use of these." Nathan nodded at the table. The blonde faced him, nodded.

"Are you running low on anything else?" There was an edge to his words that told Nathan that they were no longer talking about items here. His eyes flashed up to Seifer's and he frowned. That part always made him feel a little uneasy. The blonde gave him a searching look. "Is the little guy acting up again?"

"What? No. No, that's not..." Nathan looked at the door as if suspecting that someone could listen in.

"When will you get used to this?" Seifer sighed. This was getting old.

"I don't think I ever will to be honest." The physician gave him an apologetic smile and Seifer snorted.

"Call him," the ex-knight said. Nathan knew the drill; they had been through this many times. He had long since stopped arguing about how risky it was to summon a GF so close to other people. Seifer would have none of it. The older man closed his eyes and concentrated for a brief moment, exhaling. He seemed to have no trouble summoning, which was good. Obedient, Carbuncle followed its master's orders and jumped between them. Not wasting any time, the little creature casted Reflect on its master, looked around once more and vanished again. Seifer seemed satisfied.

"Not bad. I'd say your bond with him is almost complete." He saw the frown that wouldn't leave Nathan's face. "What? Relax already. One might think I gave you the lord Bahamut himself back then. This little fellow won't cause anybody harm, no matter how inexperienced its master is." He grinned and spread his arms. "Go on then. I brought you a bit of everything." Nathan hesitated for a moment, then held up his hand and began to draw the spells from Seifer. Cure, Cura, Esuna, Scan and Sleep. He wouldn't touch Life or any harmful spells, Seifer knew from experience. The younger man felt the magic being ripped from him. It wasn't the most pleasant feeling but he had worse. When they were finished, he grabbed his coat and shouldered his now empty bag.

"Leaving already?" Nathan looked at Seifer's back. This man had saved more lives in this town than anyone would ever know. His magic could save patients when Nathan's inexperience as a doctor would condemn them to death. He owed Seifer more than he could ever repay and they both knew it.

"Got a long way home in front of me." Seifer pulled on his gloves.

"You could..." What? Stay? Nathan could count the times that had happened on the fingers of one hand. The young man in front of him was paranoid, he knew, damaged beyond repair in more than one way and even though he seemed fine most of the time, Nathan had seen Seifer at his worst. "Well. See you next time," he said instead and Seifer turned around to grin at him before hiding under his hood again.

"See ya," he agreed.

"Don't get eaten out there." The blonde gave him an amused snort then left through the back door, snow crunching under his feet.

 

 

Two Years ago  
09:30pm  
**Albus Town**

Not much could scare a young man like Seifer Almasy anymore – or so he had thought. Yesterday, he had found another thing that could still scare him. Being betrayed by his own body, a slow, painful death. It had started three days ago with pain that had woken him in the morning. It had started in his lower back, spreading to his side. Seifer was no stranger to pain, of course. He knew all kinds of it; cuts, bruises, muscle aches, burns, cramps from poisoning, breaks and his personal favorite: torn sorceress bond. Most of those could be taken care of by magic or items. This now, however, this had seemed to be the more stubborn kind. He had suffered through the first day, restless and annoyed. Some kind of infection maybe he had thought. Urgh, he hated those. The assumption had reoccurred to him when the fever had started late that night. He was pretty sure by then that he was pissing blood.

Living alone, as isolated as one could be in the middle of nowhere with no soul around for the next day's ride, it had come to him that having no medical supply at hand apart from magic and the usual items he had gotten used to during his SEED training, had been a bad idea. The pain had gotten worse and now it crashed down on him in agonizing waves. The fever gave him chills and made him feel weak as a newborn kitten. He felt like he had to piss all the time but when he did it hurt like hell. The blood and fever made it clear that he had gotten an infection but his healing magic was not enough to deal with that. It merely took the edge off before it started all over again. When he had started vomiting he knew he was in trouble.

How he had managed to stay on his chocobo during the trip to Albus, Seifer had no clue. He must have passed out on the way more than once and how his mount had found its way here with such a useless rider, he did not know. More than once he had been convinced that he would not make it. There had been blood on his chocobo's back and his pants had been wet. When the lights of the town had come into view, Seifer had thanked Hyne in a sudden but not lasting renouncing of his agnosticism. Seifer had known the town from a few earlier trips when he had first come to the Bika Snowfields but he had never stayed here longer than necessary. The physician, as he recalled, had been an old man with a mild temper who had once talked to him. Back then, Seifer had laughed at the man, showing him a little magic trick that had made a self-inflicted cut vanish in seconds. He had stopped laughing now. His breath came in harsh gasps and dismounting had ended with him helplessly falling off his chocobo's back, curling up in the snow, moaning. It had taken him a while to get back up on his feet, shuffling over to the door of the clinic and swallowing down everything that had screamed at him to run away and hide, before anyone could see him like this; helpless, in pain, suffering. He could think of more than a few people who would have loved to see the ex-sorceress knight like this; hell, most likely they would have paid to see him like this. Shivering, Seifer had slung his arms around himself, gritting his teeth which wouldn't stop chattering. When doubts had made him hesitate again, he had hit his head against the wall he had been leaning on next to the door with a dull thud. When he had finally given in, Seifer had knocked at the door. The possibility of being about to get killed had rated frighteningly likely on his mind.

The young man who had opened the door to him, however, had not been whom Seifer had expected. This was bad, he had thought. He hadn’t been so good at dealing with surprises right at that moment. Recognition was clearly written on the young man's face as the light had fallen onto the late night visitor but all he had said was "Come in."

There had been no other patients that night. Seifer had been stripped of his coat, then, after being ushered over to the examination table, of his boots and the rest of his clothes. Seifer had enough vanity in him to prevent him from feeling shame from standing naked in front of others but at that moment, he had felt so vulnerable that it had made him try to curl up and hide –that and the sudden wave of pain and nausea. The young man had simply pushed him back down onto the table. He had asked a number of brief, calm questions, which Seifer had answered through gritted teeth. The blond had half a mind to stop his physician when he saw the syringe in his hand but before he could bring himself to argue, he felt himself going numb and slipping away into blissful darkness.

 

 

"Kidney stone," the young man said when Seifer woke up again. His voice sounded strained, caused by his head being bend back as far as possible, to avoid the edge of a scalpel pressed against his pale throat. The hand holding it was steady, he noted, no fear of killing a man. The young blonde, Seifer Almasy, was a killer no doubt. "You got an infection." Better wait to tell him that he had already treated it with antibiotics, better he appeared to be useful for a while longer.

"What the hell was that shot?" Seifer hissed, clearly still in pain and still a bit out of it from the sedative. It had worn off sooner than expected.

"A sedative to keep you still for the tests. I couldn't have done them with you squirming around." That and he was no idiot. He knew better than to put himself at risk in front of the ex-sorceress knight. Maybe he should give the man another shot.

"Never do that again," Seifer growled, each word a threat.

"Put that down," the young man said, trying to sound unimpressed. "If you want to get treated, that is." Wincing, Seifer lowered the scalpel again and made a step back. The young blonde had been so fast on his feet, ripping his IV-fluids out of his arm and grabbed the first weapon he had come across, it had been frightening. Now he relaxed a bit. "Sit down." Following orders, Seifer sat back down on the examination table, long legs dangling. His physician kept a safe distance and sat down too, facing his patient.

"Now, to get this over with, as I told you already, you are suffering from a kidney stone; a rather large one, actually. There are multiple ways to treat those but I think you'd prefer a noninvasive treatment." It seemed highly unlikely that the man would agree to surgery with his trust issues. Seifer just glared at him, waiting for him to go on.

"Your infection will be treated with antibiotics, of course. As for the stone, it may pass on by itself, which is a bit painful, I have to admit." The man in front of him winced, clearly not favoring this option. "It might be that the stone is too big though. In that case we would have to remove it. Now, we could remove it surgically or we use shock waves to break it down. I am afraid though, that we do not have the equipment to perform this procedure here, meaning, we would have to transport you..."

"No." The word was harsh and cold. Seifer had grabbed the edge of the table with both hands next to his legs, leaning forward, shoulders pulled up, glaring. "No transport. Forget about it. I'm not going anywhere," he mumbled. His doctor raised his eyebrows.

"Okay, which leaves us with waiting for it to pass on its own." He shrugged a little.

"How long would that take?"

"Hard to say. Days." Seifer winced once more, rubbing his lower back with one hand. "We could treat your symptoms, resume IV-fluids..." The doctor nodded to the discarded IV-bag on the floor. "You are dehydrated."

"You don't say," the blonde huffed. A fresh wave of pain made him groan.


	3. Chapter 3

03:30am  
**Balamb Garden, infirmary**

"What is happening? Oh Squall!" Rinoa's sobs echoed in the hallway as two SEEDs and Dr. Kodawaki were busy heaving an unconscious Squall Leonhart onto the examination table. The young sorceress still clung to the commander's right hand, tears streaming down her cheeks. Kodawaki turned around and grabbed her by the shoulders. 

"You need to calm down." She pushed Rinoa one step back, separating her from Squall. "Wait outside. Don't go anywhere; I'll be with you in a minute." Kodawaki gave one of the SEEDs a nod and the young man took hold of Rinoa's arm and led her outside the room. 

 

 

 

 

Two weeks later

08:40am  
**Balamb Garden, headmaster's office**

“Sir,” the intercom distracted him from his lunch. 

“What is it?” He couldn’t hide every hint of annoyance from his voice. Squall never had the habit of taking many breaks. Xu knew that, yet she had decided to disturb him anyway. Something important must have come up. 

“We lost another one of the probes. Number 79 was destroyed this morning.” Another unpleasant surprise. Sighing, Squall gave the plate in front of him a slight push to get it out of the way. Number 79 was in the same area as the probe which had sent the video last time. Most likely, it had been the same ex-SEED.

“Show me what we got before the signal was lost.” The new file found its way onto his computer. He skipped to the point where the same man came into view. He had ignored the draw point and, instead, went straight for the probe this time. The draw point itself had still been inactive but the magic should resurface any day now. Somehow, this man had known this too, which made him more and more annoying in Squall’s opinion. His face had been mostly hidden by the hood he had been wearing. There was no way to tell how he had traveled to this point. The probes didn’t record sound but Squall could almost imagine the chuckle, as pale lips spread into a devious smirk.

That smirk, he would have recognized it anywhere. _Damn_. Squall stared at the paused picture, the last image before the Fira spell had destroyed the probe. It had to be him. Had to… He felt his pulse jump to a rapid pace just from the thought of it. It was dangerous to get his hopes up; Squall knew that all too well. He had to make sure. There was only one man he would trust with this. Squall searched his files for the right template. SEED solo mission – confidential. Assigned to: **Irvine Kinneas**.

 

 

 

The same day  
  
06:42pm  
**Bika Snowfields**  
  


The Ragnarok brought Irvine to the point his target had been spotted last. It was the location of a probe near the Trabia Crater; or more precisely, the scattered, charred parts that had survived the blast of the Fira spell. The sharpshooter waved a short good bye to the repair team that had accompanied him on his way here and headed east. He knew he had to make haste. A few hours only at best until a blizzard would hit the area and cover all the tracks, and he still had no clue how far his target could be right now. His keen eyes scanned the area. No villages close by, he had made sure of that and oddly enough, the only tracks he could find were those of a grown Chocobo. Only few still used these animals for travels. They were hard to tame and not really reliable. They were scared easily and fled from nearby threats, leaving the dismounted rider behind. But it was his only lead and he decided to follow it. 

The cowboy cursed his rotten luck as he felt the wind blowing more harshly. The sky had darkened an hour ago and thick clouds promised snow, lots of it. Blizzards could be dangerous in this area; luckily, Irvine had increased his elemental defense before he had left Balamb Garden. That didn’t mean it would be a pleasant stroll though. Irvine turned back and made sure his gear was secured on the back of his snowmobile.

 

 

Three days later

7:46am  
**Bika Snowflieds**

 

“Commander, mission complete. I’m on my way back to the extraction point. Estimated arrival time…” He checked his watch. “1015, awaiting further instructions.”

“Copy that, be careful on your way back. Your ride home will be waiting for you. I’ll be at my office, waiting for your report.” 

“Copy that. Irvine Kinneas, over and out.” Irvine looked back over his shoulder. He had found Seifer sooner than expected. In fact, he had found the man maybe a little too easy. It was somehow hard to imagine Seifer Almasy being anything but careful in his circumstances but it surely had made his job a hell of a lot easier. He wasn’t pleased about the deep tracks in the snow he would leave behind. He had stayed clear of the cabin but that didn't mean Seifer wouldn't notice the tracks between the trees leading there. 

He found his snowmobile after a short walk up the hill, from where he had spotted the cabin during last night for the first time. It was halfway covered in snow after the blizzard but started on the second try. Time to go home.

 

 

 

 

The next day

17:21pm  
**Bika Snowfields**

 

Squall had never liked cheating. It was one of his weak spots. It caused SEEDs under his command to die because he clung to his ideals. Seifer, on the other hand, had always been in search of an advantage, unfair or not. They didn't play by the same rules. Maybe it made lying to his ex-rival today a little easier. Maybe. 

Knowing what Seifer was after these days made it easy to find him in the end. All Squall had to do was to check for the next to become active draw point in the area and wait. Seifer wouldn't miss this one. It was the second Flare point on the map; it was his only chance for another refill for quite some time. He would be here. 

Squall had been monitoring the point for only a few hours when it suddenly came back to life. Well, he thought, finders keepers. He made his way over, leaving his cover. It had been a while since he had hunted for draw points himself. Recently, everything had been paperwork. That and… No, he told himself. No use worrying about that right now. _This_ was him doing something about it already. 

The magic yielded to his will and came to him. It always felt a little strange, a little thrilling. He didn't have much time to enjoy the feeling though. He could hear the crunching of snow below boots. Damn, had he spaced out for a moment? 

“I don’t know about you, buddy, but I think you might wanna give up on that spell. It’s not worth your life, is it?” He would have recognized that voice anywhere. “Turn around, slowly. Keep your hands where I can see the—“ Squall enjoyed the expression of shock on Seifer’s face maybe a little too much. “You…” 

“Long time no see,” he greeted him. 

“What— How— …” Seifer lowered the gun he was holding. A _gun_. Squall thought he had never seen anything more distasteful in his life. “ _Why,”_ was the question Seifer finally settled for. 

“Why?” He would have to be a little more precise than that. The ex-SEED glared at Squall. “Why what, Seifer?”

“Why are _you_ here?” He was angry, Squall could tell. 

“Same reason you came here, I imagine,” Squall lied smoothly. “Someone was destroying our surveillance system. Ex-SEED, most likely. Seems I was right.” Squall shrugged. 

“And? Came to bring me in? Huh? What’s it gonna be, then? Interrogation? Trial? _Execution_?” Seifer spat. “You can try,” he growled. 

“Seifer.”

“What? I’m not going back! If you think I will, you’ve lost your mind! Seriously, fuck that, _commander_.” Squall rolled his eyes at him, which only pissed Seifer off more. The blonde raised the gun and aimed it at Squall. “You think I won’t kill you?”

“True, I think you won’t.” No doubt Seifer was a killer. They all were. They were soldiers after all. But Squall knew, Seifer wouldn't shoot him. 

“Fuck you,—“ His mouth hung open for a second, lips twitching to spell out the missing word. Seifer’s rage flared, mixed with confusion. It was a strangely vulnerable gesture, when he reached up with his free hand and pressed the heel against his temple, before raking his gloved fingers through his hair. He looked pained, Squall thought, remembering the afterimage of an angry, confused child he had once known. 

“I never said I would bring you in,” he clarified. He had seen enough. Seifer looked at him, still confused but lowered the gun again. “I came to tell you, to knock it off. I’m not sure what you were trying to do but picking a fight with Garden will only cause you problems.”

“The draw points aren't yours,” Seifer began. 

“ _Don’t_ touch the probes, is what I’m saying. You are right, Garden has no claim on the points. I can’t force you to stay away from them. Just don't provoke anyone to come after you.” Squall didn't like spelling everything out but he knew Seifer had poor judgement whenever he got angry —which was quite often in his opinion. The blonde raised his hands in capitulation, averting his gaze. 

“Fine,” he said. “‘ _Whatever_.’” And that was that. Seifer turned on his heels and marched back from where he had come from. Retreat. All Squall could do was sigh and follow him. 

“That’s all? Fine? Whatever?”

“What else do you want,” Seifer growled. Squall managed to catch up to him but didn't expect the hand that suddenly grabbed him by the collar. Seifer was looking down at something. His pendant, Squall realized. Seifer had pulled at the chain and yanked it out from under his coat. “Huh, Squall? A family reunion? A duel?”

“I thought we could talk,” Squall admitted. The call of a bird caused him to look up again. A white chocobo had appeared between the trees and ran up to them. Seifer let go of him and turned towards the bird. It clearly didn't fear them. 

"An abnormality?" The SeeD commander reached out to touch the bird. He had never seen a white chocobo before. The animal didn’t shy away from him, although Seifer gave an angry sound, showing his disapproval instead. 

“Watch your mouth, Leonhart. He ain’t more abnormal than you, puberty boy.”

"He got a name?" Squall wanted to know as he scratched the white chocobo's head. He paid the older man’s insult no mind, the old childhood pet name didn't sting anymore. Red eyes slid half way close and the mount gave almost a purr as it was being petted by the young commander. 

“Snow,” Seifer growled. “What,” he snapped angrily, as the younger man snorted in amusement. 

“You couldn’t come up with something cleverer?” Snow made a step in Squall’s direction, rubbing his head against his hand to get more affection. The SEED commander indulged him. 

“What, like you? A stuffed lion named Griever and a moogle called Kupo?” The blond male shouldered his bag, still annoyed but he hid it behind a mask of mockery and arrogance. He didn’t know, how he was still able to remember those toys. Sometimes, GFs spared the most curious memories. Even Squall seemed astonished. He eyed Seifer carefully and crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

“What?” Seifer wanted to know, as the frown stayed in place on that pale face. 

“You remember _that_ but you had to think about my name?” That hurt. The SEED commander refused to believe it, but there was no denying it. Seifer had checked his lion pendant to trigger the memory. 

“Tch,” Seifer snorted. “Sue me. It’s not like I get to choose, you know? If it was up to me, I wouldn’t remember any of that. So deal with it, _Leonhart_.” They stood there for a few moments, both of them glaring at each other like they had used to back in Garden. Then, it was Squall who broke the silence again. 

“You know, I liked that moogle. You didn’t have to burn it.” Seifer looked at him sort of perplexed. Obviously, he didn’t remember that part anymore and Squall thought that it suited his old rival to forget about the inconvenient part of the story. Back then, Seifer had never told Squall the truth about what really happened to his beloved stuffed animal.   
  
Truth was, on that day, Seifer had taken Kupo, the stuffed moogle, without asking. He had been alone, since he had come down with a cold and everyone else was out playing at the beach. Only Matron had been outside, taking care of the laundry of six children. Seifer had had no plush animal of his own. He had always refused them, saying they were stupid and that he was too old for them. He had rather wanted a wooden sword, a Gunblade, which Matron had refused to let him have. But on that day, he had taken Kupo as a source of comfort. The moogle had smelled like Squall, like the pillow of his younger roommate did. He knew this because he had just yesterday been on Squall's bed, annoying the younger boy, who had been supposed to change the sheets for the weekly laundry. Seifer's own pillow didn’t smell of anything in his opinion. He had found that strange. Maybe he bathed more thoroughly; but how could that be, when Squall always spent more time in the bathtub than him? 

Wondering about that, he had thrown Kupo in the air, making him twist and turn. After a while, he had started to spin the moogle, holding him at the hands, watching him performing back flips, until the thin arms were totally twisted. He had repeated that a few times, making the spins faster, until he heard the soft material ripping. 

Shocked about his mishap, he had tried to fix it, but one of the arms had come almost totally unattached. Squall would be mad if he found out about what had happened. So he had hidden the stuffed animal in the closet, behind his sweaters and had feigned ignorance as his roommate had asked about his toy. 

Later that night, Seifer had snuck into the living room. In the light of the slowly dying fire, he had sat in front of the fireplace and tried to fix Kupo with thread and needle, he had taken from Matrons drawers. His fever had made him shiver and his throat had ached. With unpracticed hands, he had tried his best but when had been done, he could still see where the rip had been and so would Squall —if he found out. Angry, Seifer had done the only thing he could think of to hide his failure. He had thrown Kupo into the fireplace and watched him, as the flames once again flared and started to consume the now lost moogle. 

The next morning, Matron had found the charred remains of the toy and Squall had been crying all morning. Everyone had turned to Seifer immediately and all he could do was to deny everything. No one believed him though. In the end, Matron had made Squall a new stuffed animal; a lion. A few days later, Seifer had received one too, even without asking. It had been a stuffed chocobo. 

 

“Well, maybe he should be grateful you didn’t call him Wark.” Red eyes shined in the afternoon sun as Snow turned to Seifer, waiting for the man, so they could head home. 

“Who would give him such a stupid name,” the blonde wanted to know. Squall was so goddamned talkative, he had to wonder how he ever could have wished for the quiet teen to open up more in the first place. It was —unnerving. 

“You, obviously. That’s what you called your plush chocobo, remember?” Damned, he had. But they had been kids back then. Nothing Squall could hold against him now. 

“Can’t remember,” he lied. “As nice as it was catching up with you, I got to go. The weather will get lousy soon. You better hurry back to wherever you are staying tonight.” That said, Seifer mounted Snow in an effortless motion. He noticed how Squall was studying the sky for any indications of a weather change. By now, it was hard to miss, since thick, dark clouds kept getting closer. The young commander frowned but didn’t move. “You are not lost, are you, Leonhart?” 

“No.” The blonde could tell that it wasn’t the whole truth. Imagining Squall getting lost on a mission, however, wasn’t exactly the easiest thing to do. 

“Then what are you waiting for?” He knew he would regret asking. Maybe he was getting soft. The brunette didn’t answer. “Squall?” Sighing, his ex-rival met his eyes once again and it seemed like he had to force himself to tell the ex-knight. 

“I can’t go back,” he admitted finally. 

“Why not? The heroic commander of Balamb Garden ran away or something?” He was making fun of the younger man but Squall’s face remained serious. 

“Whatever.” Eyes widening in surprise, Seifer stared down at Squall. The younger man had to be joking. There was no way Squall would run away from Garden. Yet, here he stood and it seemed like the young commander would rather face a nearing blizzard, as cold and deadly as Shiva herself, instead of returning to the place they both had called home at some point. The question what the hell had happened back there lay on the tip of Seifer’s tongue. But this wasn’t the time for interrogations. He had to hurry, if he wanted to make it back in time. 

“You have to be kidding,” he sighed. “What’s wrong with you, Leonhart? That’s not like you.” He had a bad feeling about taking Squall back with him but he couldn’t bring himself to abandon his ex-rival out here to freeze to death either. “Just great,” he growled and reached out for Squall’s hand. “Get up here before I change my mind.” 

“You sure?”

“No. But if I leave you here, you’ll become Shiva’s ice prince for sure.” Gripping onto the younger’s wrist, Seifer pulled Squall up behind himself. Mild surprise crossed the commander’s face, before he could guard his expression once again. “Now, hold onto me, we have to hurry. I’m not turning back if you fall off.” 

Reacting to the slightest pressure of Seifer’s heels, Snow made another purring sound and started to run back into the woods. It had been a while since Squall had ridden a chocobo and the sudden movement made him grab Seifer’s coat. This way of traveling definitely needed some getting used to. If they would have more time, Seifer would have enjoyed this little moment of the stoic young man’s unsteadiness but right now, he had other things on his mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while... lately I got back into writing again. I never abandoned this story, in fact, I got written later parts of it already. it's always a little game of filling in the gaps for me...


End file.
